I don’t believe that any potential life-changing habit should be reserved for one day in the year. Research shows that most people don’t keep a resolution for longer than a month, so where did this ritual come from? Some research shows reference to the god Janus, but I can’t really find anything [...]]]> I just don’t.

I don’t believe that any potential life-changing habit should be reserved for one day in the year. Research shows that most people don’t keep a resolution for longer than a month, so where did this ritual come from? Some research shows reference to the god Janus, but I can’t really find anything concrete. Maybe it’s just “out with the old and in with the new” and a new habit was a lot cheaper than replacing all your old belongings with new ones?

So, just what do we do in the Baptiste family? We change our habits. One habit at a time, one week at a time. This is not new, nor is it reserved for New Year. It happens on an “as needed” basis. The habit we are changing may be the same for each family member, or it may be different. It may be self-imposed, or it may be suggested by another member of the family.

The habits we are working on this week are fairly simple. One for the girls and a different one for me. They say it takes about 21 days of doing a thing repeatedly for it to become a habit, but we’re aiming for change in a week.

http://www.sxc.hu/photo/659766

We have changed habits in the past using this method. I hope these chosen tasks are successful!

If you see me at work, you may see a confidence that doesn’t always show in every day passing.

If you see me with my children, you may see a disciplinarian in control of the situation.

But do you really know me?

If you knew I was a single parent, [...]]]> When you look at me, who do you see?

If you see me at work, you may see a confidence that doesn’t always show in every day passing.

If you see me with my children, you may see a disciplinarian in control of the situation.

But do you really know me?

If you knew I was a single parent, would you view me through different eyes? Would you see the confident, self-assured “know it all” or would you see the Vikki who is struggling to keep her head above water?

Would you see the dedicated, nurturing matriarch or would you see that I struggle every day with the fact that I left two of my “precious cargo” in a foreign country?

Would you see the pain?
Would you see “the fight”?
Would you see?

And every day I wrestle with the public perception of what is right. I fight for my rights as a parent. A parent, not a single parent, even though that is who I am.

I fight prejudice.
I fight injustice.
I fight for my children.
I fight to the end.

Each day we pick our battles. I could pick the battle with my weight. I could pick the battle with my health. I could pick the battle with exercise – and I confront these issues on a daily basis, but the battle I will fight is my battle to be recognized as a successful single parent.

I feel like I’ve been waging war on this one for a long time. I don’t consider either of my marriage choices to have been dads in the true sense of the words. Sure, they fathered their respective children, but they were never really present. Never really in the moment. Bad choice #1 wanted to live the life of a bachelor with benefits. He rarely saw his children due to the hours he spent at work and the hours he spent in the pub.

Bad choice #2, the narcissist, didn’t care about the needs of his children and preferred to keep his own routine – missing out on a lot of his childrens developing years. During the time that he had available to share time with his children, he was either sleeping, or entertaining the imported object of his affection in some hotel room.

So. raising my children was one of lifes pleasures I was denied (by choice) in my first marriage. When I divorced, I got the raw end of the deal, I got all the bills, but I did have my children. My ex-husband had his own business, was buying his home, and was getting remarried. I was in a financially abusive relationship, working ridiculous hours and really not doing very well for myself as far as paying off the loans I had been saddled with – so it made the best sense for my son and daughter to go to live with their father and his new wife.

Fast forward to the present, and – after a second failed marriage – I do have my children. I am raising them the best way that I can, and quite honestly, I think I’m doing one hell of a job.

So why the fight? Public perception frowns on single parenthood. Single moms are viewed as leeches on our state government, popping out babies between standing in line for a government handout. Single moms are accused of everything from “irresponsible casual sex” to spending their food stamps on Patron and pedicures. (Yes I have heard this one!).

It seems that public opinion has single moms sleeping with any member of the male species who will cooperate, while happily being supported by the government. Just read the blog comments on our local newspaper website. They seem to disregard that single parenthood can happen as a result of the death of a spouse, the infidelity of a spouse, or any other number of valid reasons – heck, even by choice!

So, why should I care what people think? I care because I can’t count the times people have said to me “Oh, I didn’t realize you were a single mom!” My question is “does that really change anything?”

No, there really was no point to this post. Just rambling again!

I really hope that my older children understand how hard it is for me to get in touch with them. All the years I called and left messages for them to [...]]]> In a few short days it will be Paris’s birthday. October 2nd, to be precise. She’ll be 10. Yesterday was Matt’s birthday. He turned 24.

I really hope that my older children understand how hard it is for me to get in touch with them. All the years I called and left messages for them to wish them happy birthday, and all the holidays I called and left messages, I never heard back from them and seriously doubt they ever got the messages I left.

Last year I asked Kayla to pass on birthday wishes to Matt for me. She accused me of only speaking to her when it made me feel good, and hasn’t spoken to me since. This year, I sent Matt’s birthday wishes through his girlfriend, Sarah, on Facebook. I told her she didn’t have to reply, and she hasn’t. So I have no idea if he got the message this year or not.

I know how it feels to think that your parent, or parents, don’t care about you. I only hope that he gets to find out one day, like I did, that his mum is really trying to break through and get in contact with him.

Happy birthday, Matt. I miss you and I love you.

Ciel: Oh, I don’t know. My mouth has a mind of it’s own.

Usually, I forget to come back to the blog and label the pics. I’m [...]]]> These pics are all posted automatically using PixelPipe, through Picasa. Basically, any time I upload pics to my Picasa album, they also upload to my blog and my Facebook page (possibly my MySpace page too, but definitely not my Twitter account! LOL!)

Usually, I forget to come back to the blog and label the pics. I’m trying to change that!  This time I do notice that the pics are all outu of order, but we are big girls now, and we can deal with a bit of disorganization, right? Right!

So, this first pic is the Recollections Room at the Children’s Discovery Museum in Normal. They play some great music – Soukous, reggae, really anything “new world-ish”, the children dance to the music, and their reflections make pretty patterns on the screen. It took me a while to get the right camera settings (don’t talk to me about shutter speed and apertures. I just don’t get it!), but the results are wonderful!

DeAnna Belz of the Ecology Action Center, and Ciel with her prize bag! She won an award for a calendar competition. The drawing is further down.

Ciel and Alyssa – BFF!

The girls just find these 3D pin things amazing! I remember when I was young you could buy ones that were hand-sized, but these monsters are full body sized!

First snow of 2008 – November 30. Superstition has it that we will receive 30 days of snow this winter (as the snow started on the 30th)

just had to get this one – kiwano fruit. Doesn’t it look yummy?

Snow covers the “new” car – 2 days after I took it through the car wash!

Children’s Discovery Museum. Soy beans and cow butts. See the relationship?

Deanna Belz and Ciel. This is Ciel’s contribution to the Ecology Action Center 2009 calendar. Her drawing depicts the new plant pot recycling program.

Posted via Pixelpipe.