I’ve been to homes where you cannot walk through any room without hitting something, or having to move something. And these homes have personality, yet I feel some semblance of overwhelm.

I’m striving for something on middle ground.

I love the simplistic look and have often thought what it would be like to have life without nick-nacks, but if I couldn’t look up on the wall and see the poem Paris made for me in 3rd grade, a little bit of my life would be missing.

Sure, I could probably get rid of a lot of stuff (and we did this weekend! We took a bunch o’stuff to the Bloomington Normal Really Really Free Market) and my life would then be on a shift toward simplistic, but that’s not something I could sustain, because I need things of comfort around me. “Things of comfort” may include craft projects that have not been completed, empty containers that will become useful in the future, magazines I have yet to read (and, it goes without saying, books), the box that’s collecting items for the next trip to the Really, Really Free Market, the McDonald’s Kids Meal Halloween bucket from 2005 that holds a million pens – many that don’t even work. These things are part of me, and until they move into the realm of overwhelm, I’m content to be surrounded by them.

I’m big on repurposing. I keep my empty Keurig K-Cups (emptied and washed, of course) to plant seeds in when Spring comes around. They are perfect!

I have a huge bag of yarn that someone was going to throw out, because every now and then I get the urge to crochet something, or Ciel asks me to do some off the wall project.

I will get around to reading that pile of magazines. If not, I’ll recycle them or send them to someone who will have kids cut out the pictures to make collages like the ones that grace my walls from the girls’ Kindergarten days.

The pile of filing gets huge, and when it does, I’ll file it and breath a sigh of satisfaction until next time it gets out of hand.

I may, one day, even go through those millions of pens and actually throw out the ones that no longer work.

“Bare necessities” means different things to different people. And I find it necessary to be surrounded by things that bring me comfort and joy. I no longer strive for “simplistic” because that was a goal that did not come from the heart. And when your goals don’t come from the heart, they are usually someone else’s goals for you and not your own.

A last thought about donating goods – if you live in an area where they have a Really Really Free Market, or a Freecycle Free-For-All, take your “stuff” there. It truly gave me pleasure yesterday to see the huge smiles on the faces of people who picked up some of our stuff, especially the lady who nabbed the 4′ tall Scooby Doo stuffed toy!

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What’s your groove?

For years I’d walk to the train station – and here you have to envision a funnel-like effect, of people leaving their houses, walking down different streets that converge on the train station, all funneling through the 3 turnstiles and then cramming into the train like sardines – take the 35 minute ride into town, spill out of the train along with maybe a third of the other commuters, smoosh onto the escalator making sure to keep left so those who were late for work could attempt to run up the right hand side, head out through the turnstile, walk along the wide, porcelain-tile-lined tunnel, full of buskers, graffiti and whatever last nights drunks had “left” there, and finally up into the fresh air, where I’d cross the street, enter my office building and take the elevator that delivered me to my office.

Who in the heck could start a work day with a fresh brain after going through that! I’ll tell you that those who lived further away from the City were the lucky ones, because they were assured of a seat on the train. The rest of us had to suffer the ride holding onto a metal pole with our noses shoved up someone’s armpit, joining in the collective sigh as the intercom announced “Due to [insert crazy reason here] here will be a slight delay.” That whole commute was a “groove”, and at the end of the work day it was done in reverse of course!

And you do this, day in, day out, for all of your working life and at the end – at your retirement – I guess you’d drop into a heaping pile on the floor, fists pounding, “yes! yes! yes!” You’ve finally earned your freedom, and then you have to find another groove to feel comfortable in.

Where is your groove taking you?

I always knew that the groove I was in at that time was merely a step to a different groove – it just lasted longer than I had hoped. The commute was bearable if I had some good tunes pumping through my headphones or a good book to read. The work was somewhat satisfying. Varied enough that the needle was jolted out of the groove at least once a day. Yet I still yearned for the time that I’d be the one controlling the beat. Making my own groove, or at least in a groove that made me smile all day.

Fast forward fourteen years. Do you hear me yelling “I want my groove back!!!”?

Actually, that’s only partly true. I do not long for a routine, but I miss getting a little direction. Being self-employed there is always a danger of not just getting out of the groove, but skipping off the whole damn record.

Get back in the groove

As a freelancer, self-employed business owner, entrepreneur, whatever label you care to use, you must have something to help you keep your eye on the prize. The reason for doing the work you do must be forefront in your brain at all times. I have photos of my children on the wall in front of me, along with various notes they’ve written me over the years. If I feel unfocused, or notice my mind starting to wander, I can look up and see those smiling faces and remember why I’m doing this – jolting my back into my groove. For you, it may be a new house, new car, zero credit cards, vacation to Mauii – get it in front of you. Yes folks, I’m talking about goals, but that’s another post.

There are times that it’s critical to jump to a different track. If your groove is taking you nowhere, your wheels are spinning or inspiration just isn’t flowing, take a step back – or a step across – and move to a different track. More than likely that will look completely different for you than it does for me. It may involve taking a walk around the block, shifting your workspace to a local coffeeshop for a few hours, calling a friend for a catch-up chat, or getting really groovy and putting on some music and just dancing like nobody is watching! Jolt yourself out of your rut and come back to your work with a fresh mind.

Then focus.

Just remember, if the groove is stagnant or the record is stuck, it may be time to dance to a different beat.

I hope the groove you’re in today is a great one!

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In the exercise I did with Steph (that became the reason for these soul-searching blog posts) I identified self-doubt as being a significant problem. Well, I must have been doubting myself on that day for some reason, yet it’s not usually a problem for me. More of a problem is accepting a task with gusto before I’ve thought about how I’m going to do it.

Having said that, I don’t attempt tasks that are clearly beyond my means – that’s why we have experts!

I’m sure I had a reason for saying that self-doubt was a problem. Maybe at the time I did that exercise I had just second guessed myself on some topic that no longer comes to mind.

I do have the “I can do this” attitude when it comes to most things, and my glass is always half full (actually, it’s overflowing, but let’s stick with the traditional saying!) and I’m fairly certain this is attributed to my positive attitude which I’ve really been working on recently. You have no idea how many times a day I say “thank you”, and how many innate objects I thank!

Self-doubt is another of those behaviors that is not pretty, and I spent a good portion of my life being not pretty, not good enough, not educated enough, not talented enough, not motivated enough, you name it … I was not enough. Now I know that I am enough! I’m good enough to do what I need to do. I’m motivated enough to overcome any obstacle that dare rear it’s head in my path, I’m educated enough to follow my chosen path and I’m learning more every day. Not just learning through the things that life teaches you on a daily basis, but honest-to-goodness-get-your-head-down-in-that-book-and-study learning.

Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, except for hula hooping. I struggle with that one!

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I know I have self-confidence, I just struggle with the appropriate level of self-confidence to “put out there”. You’ve probably heard me say that people who have to tell you how brilliant they are seem to me to be merely seeking confirmation of their perceived thoughts. The more they tell the world how good they are, the more I want to test their claims.

I recently worked with a person who was a self-proclaimed “social media guru”. This person tweets an average of once a week, started a blog and posts about once a quarter, and posts pictures sideways on Facebook. Is that really the way to advertise your expertise?  Yet, they walk into a business meeting with their head held high and spin some self-serving story about how they can show you how social media can improve your business?

I’m not trying to dwell on this person, I just know I don’t ever want anyone to feel the same way about me as I feel about them.

Boosting my self-confidence

There is no easy way to do this that feels comfortable, I know this. I also know that I’m confident in my abilities and need to portray that.

I wanted to point out the correlation between this post being scheduled today, and receiving Klout in a couple of areas, and I’ve deleted and retyped this sentence a number of times. That may show you just where I’m at on the self-confidence scale!

There are many strategies for increasing self-confidence, and here’s how it’s going for me:

What’s not working

I’ve named my insecurities, written them down and burned the paper they were written on. They’re still there.

Celebrating my successes. I have a problem being my own cheerleader. Why celebrate something that you intended to happen anyway?

Faking it. I have been given the “fake it til you make it” talk. I refuse to portray myself as something I’m not.

I still find it hard to accept compliments.

What’s working

I’m becoming more accepting of compliments. (See above. I’m working on it!)

I have principles, and stick to them.

Affirmations work! I’m learning about afformations too …

I own my mistakes, apologize for them, and then correct them and learn from the experience

I accept myself as I am, recognizing my shortcomings

Gratitude. Gratitude rocks. You wouldn’t believe the things I’m grateful for!

My positivity meter is rising daily.

I’ll keep chipping away at it. I’m scared of becoming the “social media guru” described above, and know that if I stick to my principles I won’t. I do walk with my head up these days, rather than looking at the ground – sure, you may miss that dollar bill laying on the ground, but it’s the only way to see the opportunities around you that are worth so much more.

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In my work, for instance, I’m trying to decipher why I would be self-critical at all, I wonder if it’s because I question my ability, or my standards. Is it a comparison against some fictitious benchmark? Or is it merely a form of quality control that I enforce upon myself?

A sign, maybe, that my self-confidence isn’t all it should be? Or do I just have to qualify my ability with a “yes, but …” – that’s a favorite of mine! I catch myself doing it all the time. I honestly think it’s linked back to self-esteem, and it’s something I need to get a grip on before it does become a major problem!

“Cultivate honesty about oneself and the quality of one’s work. Over self-criticism can be debilitating, but insufficient self-criticism is the handmaiden of mediocrity and, often, failure.”
– Nigel Hamilton

I truly believe that, as a one-person shop, there is room for self-criticism. If there is nobody here to bounce ideas off, to give me an opinion, then it becomes self-talk. I do have a plethora of people who would, at the drop of a hat, give me any criticism or opinion I ask for, however, that brings up another interesting barrier. As soon as you have someone else’s input, your work is no longer  your own. Given the work I do, that’s crazy. I earn a living – well, in part, anyway – by critiquing other peoples content and offering suggestions for improvement. Yet I cannot accept it for myself.

I just came across a great blog post entitled The Art of Effective Self-Criticism by Tejvan Pettinger that talks about why self-criticism is important. And that is important. Because I thought it was a bad thing.

Yet my home is a mess.

I get frustrated if I go to use scissors, for instance, and they are not where they are supposed to be. Maybe one of the girls has used them and not put them back where they “belong”. It’s an inconvenience that they are not in their rightful place. It signifies time wasted for me – time I have to spend locating the “offending” child, first of all, then time spent actually looking for the scissors.

My day just needs to run smoothly and efficiently, and it seems I can look past my clutter in order to find fault with someone else. And that’s not fair on them. I think, for me, knowing where everything is validates my mess. Hmmm, let’s work on that, shall we?

Focus is another of my challenges. In going through an exercise with my business coach, we identified areas that I need to *ahem* do some work in. And focus is definitely one of them.

I’m easily distracted by BSO’s, bright shiny objects. As I was explaining to Steph, I have a pile of books on my nightstand that I’ve started to read. And “started” is about as far as I get, because I get a few chapters in – if I’m lucky – and another book comes to my attention and I absolutely have to read it. AND there’s another half read book on the nightstand.

I can justify this. Of course I can! And my favorite justification is that the new book that caught my eye is from the library, therefore I have to read it and get it back before its due date, so the current book can wait. Or the new book is much more relevant to what I’m doing right now, and therefore I have to read it. But still I never finish reading it.

Do you think this all aligns to lack of willpower or a fear of commitment? I have no idea, but I’m working on it!

I was challenged to finish reading “The Four Agreements” before I picked up my next book – and I did that. I’m not the only person you know who has to schedule 30 minutes reading time into their day, right? It’s on my Producteev list, and must be done every day, or I don’t get to check it off my list. And I’ve become very proficient at checking things off my list!

I’ve tried different methods in the past – I’ve tried the “only touch each piece of paper once” method. It worked for … oh, about an hour!

I’ve tried getting rid of distractions. Virtually impossible, depending on the time of day, day of the week, etc. Though I will admit to not turning on the TV to watch mindless drivel!

There’s a pretty good article here, by Care2.com, on focusing your mind. I think I’ll take a couple of minutes to take that in.

Having exposed another of my vulnerabilities, I have no other way to fix it than to focus on fixing it. Focus on focusing. And I’ll get it. And it’ll make me more productive. And soon I’ll have the focus of a hawk, you just watch!

She’s gone to Chicago. Left this morning in a better mood than normal (but only because she wanted to borrow my headphones.)

Nugget loves band. She plays trumpet, and does so very well, if I do say so myself! This opportunity came up a while ago though school, and – thanks to a partial scholarship – she was able to go.

They will be eating lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe, then visiting the Lyric Opera to see a performance of The Magic Flute. She was so excited, and I’m pretty sure the fact that it’s a school bus trip to Chicago trumps the fact that she’s going to the opera!

Thanks, Bloomington Jr High School, for the opportunity. I’m grateful that she is able to take in some culture!

What’s your pot of gold, and are you willing to climb the rainbow to get it? You see, there’s a steep path up that rainbow before you can slide down the other side and claim your reward.

Do you have a plan for the rainbow journey? Have you laid out your journey on paper, listing all the challenges you may face, and how you’ll overcome them?

Have you defined what’s in your pot of gold? Is it a new car, a new home, a debt-free life, or maybe a vacation. Maybe your pot of gold is a decent college fund for your child, or maybe your pot of gold is a sizable donation to your favorite cause.

Whether your pot of gold is a 50 pound weight loss, or a house by the ocean, there’s a little more involved than just proclaiming it. Andrew Carnegie said “If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes.” And he should know, being the richest man in America back in the early 1900′s – you can bet he had a plan!

Let’s take the weight loss goal as an example. “I want to lose 50 pounds” is a good place to start, however, it’s not yet a goal. Put a date on it, put it into the present, give it a “final weigh-in” number, now that’s a goal. “It’s December 25, 2012 and I weigh 170 pounds.”

Now, take your goal and work backwards to today. “Chunk it down”, as Jack Canfield says. Today is January 25th, 2012 – which means I have eleven months to hit my goal. Fifty pounds in eleven months equates to a little over a pound each week. Now that sounds more achievable than “lose 50 pounds”! At this point, it may be worth it to hit up google and find one of those charts that tells you exactly how many calories you should eat – given your weight – to shed that pound per week. Any tools you can use to help you achieve your goal should be embraced – check out apps, build a vision board on Pinterest, use an online task list to remind you of deadlines, leave a comment on this post to share the tools you use to stay on track to reaching your pot of gold.

Maybe you need something you can hang on your wall – a visual reminder of where your pot of rainbow is and the milestones you need to check off along the way. If this visual prop is in the form of a graph, then take a different colored marker and plot your actual progress. You may find yourself way ahead of the curve, or you may notice that you’re not quite where you want to be, and that puts you in a position to step up the game.

It’s a great idea to have a goal that stretches you, but not so much of a stretch that it’s impossible to reach. If you’re starting out your business from a position of “in the unemployment line”, your goal of a vacation home on the French Riviera with a goal date six months into the future, is hardly realistic. Add a couple of years to the goal date, and you have something more achievable.

It’s the milestones along the way that will keep you energized. Every pound you check off that chart, every new client you acquire, every time you deposit another $100 in your savings account, you get the warm and fuzzies, a sense of accomplishment, and – depending on how “mini” your steps are, you may choose to reward yourself for each milestone, or every few milestones. Let’s look at that weight loss goal again. You may decide to reward yourself for every 5 pounds lost, or every 10 pounds lost. And I’m not saying go out and eat a huge piece of cheesecake! Your reward should be something that makes you feel better about yourself – a mani/pedi, get your hair done, buy a new hat, new shoes. However you choose to celebrate, remember you’re not necessarily celebrating the milestone, you’re celebrating yourself – your achievement.

Don’t jump on someone else’s pot of gold, get your own. Visualize your goal – what you’ll look like in size 2 jeans, the shape of your swimming pool, the color of your car, the number of bedrooms in your new home, the color of the desk you’ll be sitting behind. Your goal, your journey, your pot of gold. Enjoy the rainbow ride!

My closest goal? Taking my daughters to Chicago over spring break to visit Navy Pier, the Museum of Science and Industry and the Field Museum.

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It’s probably been instilled in you since you were knee high to the proverbial grasshopper. Work hard. And, no doubt that ethic will get you places.

Every day heroes. The father who shows up for the same job day in, day out, and physically works hard – overtime, even – at the factory to provide food and shelter for his family.

Then there’s the executive who shows up for the same job, day in, day out, and mentally works hard – overtime even – in the office to maintain his lavish lifestyle.

There’s work, then there’s work. Some of us work with our hands and some of us work with our brains, and we all arrive at the end of our life with either a worn out body or a worn out soul.

Does the advocate of the “four hour work week” – the dude who worked smarter instead of harder – get any less accolade than the one who toiled at physical labor? Usually he gets more. He’s praised as the one who makes millions doing nothing. We are teaching our up and coming workforce, our youth, that the rewards come from doing less and I worry where our future physical laborers are coming from.

Or maybe industry, as a whole, is moving towards the “smart workplace” – maybe there is no room for those whose only desire is an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay. Is physical labor a thing of the past?
So many questions that will probably only be answered with the passage of time. And while I feel I toil with my brain, there is physical labor too – even if it’s only because the dishwasher is broken!

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